I started high school with the desire to be someone, or at least be someone a little more popular than I was in middle school. I still had big thick glasses, was still in need of braces, and was more developed than most of the girls in 9th grade, but in high school that was a good thing. I also had lost a lot of weight due to taking my anorexic tendencies more seriously over the summer. I had a pretty good summer. I had more friends and I felt a little more confident. I had chosen to go the easy road instead of the harder one. I decided that I was going to fit in no matter how I had to compromise. The biggest problem was, I decided, I had chosen.
I got a lot of attention from older guys at school because I would wear low cut tops. I fit in better with most people because I now spoke the language of a rebellious teenager. It doesn't seem like really bad stuff, I listened to the weekly top 40 and I wore low cut shirts and tight pants and I said a few "naughty" words, big deal right? Wrong! Sin has a nasty habit of taking hold of you when you let it creep in your life even in little ways. There is a reason I personally don't listen to secular music or watch prime time T.V. these days, I know how easy it is to become complacent when you are allowing your heart and mind to be influenced by the world. Very few people realize that when you surround yourself with the culture of the day, you usually start acting like the culture of the day. Sadly, most people don't even realize what comes out of their own mouth anymore because they have become desensitized. Listening to secular music, watching 'Friends,' and being around other people who had never known any better lead to complacency, and complacency lead to down right dirty sin.
I was able to juggle two lives my freshman year and most of my sophomore year. I went to church on Sunday with the family, even sang in the choir my dad directed, I was able to sink back into the other me the rest of the week. There were even times when the music I listened to offended the Sunday me even on weekdays, so I compromised and listened to Classical for a little while. I had a huge crush on a "preacher's boy" during my sophomore year, so I even tried to clean up my act a little bit here and there. Then I had a conflict with one of the other youth group members at church, that was it for me, I was done trying to be the Sunday me any day of the week.
By the end of my sophomore year I had a boyfriend. A"real" boyfriend who was interested in me. What did it matter that he really didn't believe in God at all, he liked me. I wanted someone to like me like that so badly and, after all, the people in the church were hypocrites, I did have that conflict with that one girl. When I compromised in this, it was the end of playing on the edge, when I compromised on dating a non-believer that was the beginning of the Prodigal Years.
I have some good news to report, I made restitution on the graham cracker. (previous post) I will write more about the Prodigal Years and how I came home in my next posts. I want you to notice the patterns of sin and selfishness. I also want you see the mark of grace God has had on my whole life. Even more importantly, I want to remember how easily sin makes us its master. I also want to remember the grace of God. God's grace is making something very beautiful. Thank you, for taking this journey with me.
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